A Promise Is A Promise

"I won't talk about that, especially at a conference. No one wants to hear about that anyway!!"

"Yes, they do, Elizabeth.", my Marketing Manager warned me.

He has that look on his face. You know the one. It's the look that says I'm right and you know it you arrogant little twit.

I really hate when he's right, but I continue to argue, bitterly.

New tactic. This may get him silenced.

Maybe if I yell he will back off.

Those of you that know me personally know how much energy it takes to get me to get that angry. I allow myself to indulge in anger about three times a year. Kinda like a good house cleaning, where you get scrubbing in all the cracks and spaces in between, a good bout of anger can blow out some pent up frustration.

"You are not listening to me.", I start as my voice starts to rise. "No one wants to hear that crap. It happened. It's over. No one cares. Move on. I refuse to be someone that others feel sorry for! I'm not some whiny victim."

He lets me scream it out for a while. A good Marketing Manager does that. He figures he's got a thoroughbred horse here and this is a a part of the journey. Thoroughbreds are known for wining the race and then kicking their owner in the stables when they try to give the horse water and brush them down. Independence will kill a good horse because the horse doesn't know any better.

"Elizabeth", he nearly whispers, "You do this work because you are one of the best. You are one of the best in the country. In fact, think about this week. Where did that guy call from?"

"Chicago."

"That's right. And what did you do?"

"I helped him.", I answered slowly. I know where he's going with this and it's starting to piss me off.

"And what was his story? Other than the job loss?", he asks me with fake sincerity. This line of questioning is more about getting me to see the light.

"He got divorced after 25 years and recently lost his house. He had no money. His kids wouldn't talk to him. He needs the job to get back on track again. He was afraid to call me, but he did."

"That's right. He is one of thousands you worked with. Employed or unemployed, you work with all of them and help them through the tough spots in their life. Don't you understand? Sharing this life story of yours is important. It explains why. No one will judge you or think differently of you. In fact, they will deem you as quite remarkable, which you are."

"Shut up!" Now I am yelling. My Marketing Manager is doing his job. He's pushing me, but I won't go.

"Don't hide the broken parts. Let them see it. This isn't some cheap marketing ploy."

I am fuming. I mean REALLY fuming. He's opening the Pandora's box.

Unacceptable.

I am about to tune him up and start using the F word when he nearly threatens me.

"Elizabeth, let me put it to you this way.", his voice narrows as he leans into me, "If I catch you on stage even once in 2011 and you don't figure out a way to tell your story, you will really be in deep shit with me. Next year we have to start taping you when you speak. It's time to go to the next step with all this. The second book will be out and frankly, you have built such a following. You are in it too deep to turn back. Now, if you don't want to write about it, fine. But you better start disclosing that piece. On stage. In front of the audience. Am I clear?"

He continued, although I wished I had a sock to stuff in his mouth, "You work with those in transition. You are the best for a reason. Speak the reason."

I quieted down enough to take this in, but it wasn't for the last thing he said before he left the room that struck me the most profoundly.

"Elizabeth, you owe it to them."

And off he went.

A promise is a promise. Starting in 2011 I will come out from behind the curtain and tell why I do this work.

I would rather have a root canal with no Novocaine that do this, but I'll do it.

For you.

Perhaps it will give you some strength. Perhaps not.

Relocation, Relocation, Relocation

I stood in front of an audience of about 200 professionals and made a bold statement.

If you aren't getting any response on your resume, stop sending it out.

They laughed. Others looked stunned.

Stop doing what isn't working. Why continue on the same path getting the same result? Isn't that tremenously hard on your spirit?

If there is no response to your resume or skills it doesn't mean that YOU are the issue. It could simply be a reflection of the market itself.

I am not naive. I have heard of the 1% of the American population that is deemed 'unemployable'. No, I'm not talking to you. In fact, I doubt you are reading this blog at all.

Rather, I'm speaking to those that refuse to move to another city to find work or fear change.

Consider relocation. At least consider looking for work in another city and see what is out there.

There is an art to letting go and moving forward at the same moment.

Trust me....I've done this....

I don't ask others to do what I haven't done myself.

The Purpose of Deep Pain

With pain there is hope.

Even if it's a glimmer.

A small spark.

There is always something inside of you that whispers...this could change. This may pass...it can't be this way forever.

Can it?

Here's a thought...

DISCLAIMER
NOTE: This is not new age crap talk.

Now, if you're into new age talk, well, you still may like this, but I just wanted to tell all the readers that DON'T like airy fairy happy crap, "think yourself better" people out there that the following blog post isn't that.

So just stay with me and take a deep breath.

Quantum physics tells us that nothing that is observed in unaffected by the observer.


I love science.

Call me a big nerd.

I'm a proof sort data kind of gal.

That statement, from science, not woo woo ugga bugga speak means that EVERYONE sees a different truth.

Because everyone is creating what they see.

Meaning: The place from which you are looking at dictates what you see!

Hate your boss?
Really?
What do you see?

Hate your relationships? Feel you are treated badly?
Maybe so, but what is your point of reference.
What did you create?
How are you accountable for this?

Are you brave enough to tell the truth....to yourself?

Tell the Truth

Looking back now, I'm certain my mother didn't mean for this to happen.

It's just one of those things that sticks in your head, that you believe and ultimately becomes you.

I was a little girl standing before her, lying. She knew it too, the way her left jet black eyebrow raised at me, sternly repeating the question.

I looked her dead in the eye and lied again.

Elizabeth....if you tell me the truth you will not get into trouble. But you must tell the truth. There will be no punishment. None. But I have to know the truth and what I'm dealing with here.

I took a big breath, trusted her and told the truth.

There was no punishment.

I grew up believing that no matter how bad things could be, that if I always told the truth, I would be protected. Over time, my judgement became better, and I choose better, not having to dig myself out of messes and apologize.

If I got a speeding ticket, I told the truth to the judge.
If I was late, I owned my mistake and told the truth.
If I hurt someones feelings, or just knew I was wrong for saying something hurtful, even if they didn't find it hurtful, I told the truth.

It's also called accountability or facing the music.

My next book proposes that we try that small premise in the job search. That we tell the truth about who we really are and be honest.

I suggest we quit flinging our skill set.

Stop selling.
Be honest.
Be honest with the employer about who we are, what we are good at, and furthermore, what we are unwilling to do.

If we did that, we'd have a very different job. We would have set fair expectations with the employer.

No one to lie to anymore.

We could just be us, and utilize our talents.

But we could start out the business relationship with the most critical piece to any relationship.

TRUST!

Please DONT stop!

To all the reporters with the power of the pen:

Please don't stop writing.

Especially when you know your message is important.

When you have that intuitive feeling in your gut that says your piece may reach that one person on a ledge.

We all get caught up in deadlines. So many that we doubt we are even heard or our message matters. Especially when the editor cuts your piece with a big pair of scissors, leaving your ego on the floor to sweep up, quickly forgotten.

Yow know darn well what I'm talking about.

Please don't quit.
Remember who you are and who you were...
It's that essence of you that got you in the biz, long before you needed the paycheck to pay your mortgage.

We need you.

We really do.

Someone out there is listening. Someone out there needs your words.

Butterfly effect. It matters.

Write on!

The Red Sign

Last week in Barnes and Noble I came across a red sign.

It read:

STAY CALM

and

KEEP MOVING


That sign seems to ground me and sum up everything and everyone in my life right now.

I'm considering just pointing to the sign instead of talking.

Focus

She looked at me for a long time after hearing me complain for more than an hour about my life.

Firmly, she stated:

Elizabeth, what you focus on expands. What are you focused on?

What you focus on expands.

Create more of what you want and less of what you don't want.

It is possible. It starts with minding our thoughts.

Mind Your Mind

Someone once told me many years ago:

If you don't run your creative conscious mind, someone else will do it for you!

That's scary.

That means I have to be careful what I create in my thoughts, words and actions.

And, it means that if I don't, someone else will.

Choice is exercised.

Choose the right job.

Choose the right relationships.

Choose to show people how to treat you.

Or you quit running your own show.